She Said, She Said

Did I say that or was it you?

2011-04-13T12:58:00.000-07:00

Happily into the fourth year of being a GlamMa and of my daughter being a Mom, it became joyously and painfully clear to both of us that our conversations have changed. In the first blush of Meg's birth she and I mostly discussed....the baby. No surprise there. Not a gurgle or a goo went by without Lauren texting, emailing or skyping me to celebrate the little one's latest accomplishments. I am embarrassed to think how many times we discussed the quality of Meg's poop. Thinking back, I want to gag and then giggle. There must be a happy hormone released in the body of a newbie grandmother. Although I am concerned if Julia (my glambaby #2) has a problem in the diaper filling area, I am much less interested in hearing or seeing and especially smelling the results. Ewwwwww. But I wouldn't say that to Lauren.

So, here is the conversation now

Lauren: Mom, did I tell you that Julia hasn't had a poop in two days?

Me: Hmmm prunes are good. I love that picture of her in the pink tu - tu.

It's not that I am uncaring and I know my seemingly disinterested conversation grates on my daughter but I am now more acutely aware of how my words and actions affect our relationship as mother and daughter.

I would have to be crazy to mess with this wonderful gift of a daughter.

Glam-Ma Has Arrived

2010-04-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

2008: Wow. I'll admit to being brain dead about what it's like to be a parent of a baby again. Not that I am the baby's parent, but I'm there to help. When Margaret...nicknamed Meg, Meggie and Megalicious is in residence, all else stops. I knew that right? No. I am sure that some forgetful hormones take over when one is a parent and you do what you need to do and do it lovingly. Actually I can hear and see in my daughter's voice and face the joy she takes in every little move Meg makes. Four months ago she called to tell me that Meg repeated Yum Yum when being fed her puried peas. Three months ago Meg initiated the military crawl which was reason to get out the horns and hats. But wait, she's crawling..now walking and she's one year old. Where did the time go? How did my baby get old enough to have a baby? Trying to maintain a semblence of the life you have come to regard as "normal" and also being responsive to being the GlamMa, which means first and foremost being there to help your own children as they experience this magic, and second, to maintain your sense of self and not get lost in the journey. Being GlamMa is something like being Cinderella's Fairy Godmother and Glinda, the Good Witch. In other words, it's magic in its own right.

Glam-Ma's Summary of the first year.
Month One:

This is the time for Glam-Ma and Grandpa to drink lots of caffeine in order to help the new parents get some small amounts of sleep. The baby looks and acts as if she/he were still in the womb and seems like such a fragile little being that it is terrifying just picking her up. Of course you can't express that fear to the new Mom or Dad because they would never let you hold the baby again. I now know why new parents need to be sleep deprived because if they really thought about the baby they would freak out from the responsiblity of it all. I used every bit of transendental meditation training I had received from the Maharishi in order to look calm. Luckily I had retained the muscle memory of how to carry the baby so that her head didn't wobble. I had to learn how to swaddle and position the baby on her back in the crib. The best part of this month however is the eye contact your glam child will make with you. Be still my heart.

Month Two: When your peaches and cream complexioned glambaby suddenly sports zits, don't panic. This phase will pass and the peaches will return. If not, a quick visit to the pediatrician will help solve the problem. And while fretting over those blotches you just might hear the first real coo. It's real, your glam-baby is starting to communicate with you. Coo, sing and make silly noises with her. If you think she's smiling, she probably is. Make sure she has a mobile with strong patterns and colors and by all means play music. It's proven to help develop the brain. There are lots of great tapes out there but my favorites were the Baby Einstein Lullaby Classics and Baby Mozart . And when you hear your children talk about tummy time understand it's all part of the new (since our childrearing time) method of having babies sleep on their backs. Because of this, babies need to exercise the other muscles that are associated with being on their stomachs....lifting up their heads and supporting themselves on their arms which is essential for crawling.

Month Three: Into the light: The baby is now an infant with an ever growing battery of skills and noises. Being a glam-mother, I felt it my duty to teach Meg how to blow a rasberry. My daughter shook her head and said, "I can just imagine what else you will teach her." If she knew, I'd be banned.

Month Four: In our case this was October and Halloween time. Since I remembered all the fights Lauren and I had over the years about costume choices, I suggested to Lauren that she pick the most ridiculous ones nowbecause it might be the last chance she has. I'm sure next year Meg will want to be an angel or fairy or princess. She'll probably want to be that until she turns ten and get's into "hip" music. Lauren took my advice and put her in a peapod body suit & then a pumpkin suit. I can't believe the poor baby didn't cry. At this point the parents are having all the fun laughing at what they can get away with. I didn't have the heart to tell them, it will come back to haunt them....somewhere around 15.

Month Five: November and Thanksgiving and drooling. Meg and Daisy (our labrador retriever) looked very similar at the Thanksgiving table only Meg was teething and Daisy was begging for food. Meg had all the problems a teething baby could have with fever, diarrhea and biting. One night she chomped down so hard on her Mom's breast I thought she would draw blood. Breast feeding might be in danger. Lauren's generation of Mother's are so wonderfully natural in their approach to feeding. I keep telling her she is a much better mother than I was. I did last six months however.

Month Six: Christmas is my favorite, very favorite time of year. With a new baby it was even more special. Although she didn't like Santa at all and screamed bloody murder when we tried to sit her on his lap for a photo, she loved all the lights and exercised her ahhhh gooo vowels at each new wonder. She was sitting up too, so the world became a new and exciting place. The best part, however was taking her shopping. I could finally explain what wonders she and I would find in my favorite store, Chanel. Being a GlamMa means being properly outfitted of course. I think she liked the idea.

Month Seven: January is normally a down time, but we took Meg on her first trip to Hilton Head. She flew on a plane and true to her GlamMa's heart, loved every minute of it. She and I will have so much fun traveling together.

Month Eight: My Valentine baby is seriously on the move. She loves her saucer that spins when she moves her legs. She can run full tilt and giggles the whole time. She has also "finally" been allowed real food. Yikes, everyone is soooo scared of allergies these days that the poor kids have to eat pablum forever. She's also saying Da-Da and refuses to say Ma-Ma. Hmmmmm. We have to have a talk. I'm waiting for her to say Gigi...that's my name.

Month Nine: Meg is such a little person now. She loves her stuffed toys and just about anything else. Were my kids this brilliant? She continues to say Da-Da and just points to Lauren. She is a little devil! She even smirks when she does it! Lauren has safeguarded the house and it looks a little like Sing Sing. How did my kids make it this far?

Month Ten: She is standing while holding on, loves peekaboo and has learned to clap her hands in delight. She understands so much and tries to communicate then gets frustrated when we don't understand. Lauren has taught her a few signs...like up which she does all the time. How frustrating to be trapped in that little body. Why can't babies talk earlier?

Month Eleven: Margaret loves her books and will sit for a long time looking at pictures. I think that's a good sign she's not ADD. Whew! It is amazing how many problems you can imagine now that you have time on your hands. When it's your child there is no time. Now I just watch and worry...and keep my mouth shut of course. Does she show signs of autism, will the vaccinations hurt her. Will not vaccinating her hurt her. TOO MUCH INFO leads to GERD...otherwise known as a very non Glam form of indigestion caused by worry, too much chocolate and not enough sleep...well not quite, but some of that is true.

Month Twelve: Meg and I spend hours playing with her barnyard toys while she practiced moo and I practiced baa and do all the other animal sounds. Did I tell you she is brilliant?

Month Thirteen: On our trip to Nantucket she got up and walked. Well, more of a lurch and forward stumble then fall. Now she holds two hands and wants to walk everywhere. Did I tell you she is talented and brilliant?

Pre Planning Tips

At the end of Lauren's pregnancy...when we knew the baby was viable I let out a long sigh. ew. I didn't know I had been holding my breath until now, but I had. Not being in control is a frightening thing for someone who has always been at the helm of the ship, steering everyone's course. Now I'm a lowly deckhand, marching to a new captain... my daughter. It's her turn to be captain of the ship. Well at least her ship... I've still got my husband and dog to order around.

Daisy doesn't look too pushable does she? Neither is my husband. I promised not to post a similar picture of him on the couch with his favorite stuffed animal.

So what have I done to prepare, and what would I suggest for you?

First and foremost: Pack a bag for the trip. Unlike the bag your daugher or daughter-in-law is packing for the hospital, yours must contain the essentials of staying fit and hydrated through sleepless nights, strange beds, and fast food. Hospital food qualifies somewhere between a Micky D burger and the good old fashion lard muffins my Grandmother loved to bake. If you want to go home a size larger, enjoy. If not, pack those Balance Bars.
I made a trip to my daughter's home last week with a load of supplies.
1.) Makeup in a carry bag that would fit under her guest room bed. Even if I had to change places with other guests, my makeup would remain. Thank you TSA for not understanding that a good face cream can not be mushed into a 2 oz jar.
2.) Comfy shoes. Need I say more?
3.) One pair of nice heels. At some point in the first month you will insist that your daughter/daughter in law and son get out of the house with you and sit in a nice restaurant where waiters ask nicely what you would like to drink, there is no burpy cloth on your shoulder and the eyes in the back of your head are allowed to take a rest. Remember those days. It wasn't fun.
4.) Exercise clothing. These will be your staples when babysitting the first few weeks.
5.) Good books or books on tape.
6.) Your I Pod programmed with soothing music to sleep by.
7: A sense of humor and tissues for when you cry at how amazing your grandbaby is.

GlamMa Gear

2010-04-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

New Glambaby Julia, born March 18, 2010

Now the Big Sister, Meg....is Megalicious....Three years old in June.

As GlamMas we love to shop and celebrate our status. Its fun and makes everyone smile when they see a GlamMa hat, shirt or baby bib. I've created some new products to enjoy and they can be found at

http://www.vistaprint.com/glammagear.

And now I have some jewelry to offer. My first piece is a necklace, with earrings to come and many more designs to follow. I will be setting up a paypal account but for now, email me if you are interested in buying this piece. Cost is $42. plus shipping.

Enjoy being a GlamMa!

Judith

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How To Be a GlamMa Part II

2010-04-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

After a very loooooong pregnancy, my daughter Lauren delivered our newest treasure, Glambaby Julia.

Because the doctors thought she might be a ten pounder, they encouraged Lauren to engage in some sort of labor inducing activity one week before D Day. Eating lobster and taking long walks were the most fun although most people crossed the street when they saw her coming for fear of having to deliver a little one on the spot. Web sites she googled also recommended (with the required *ask your doctor first warning) using acupressure, mixing castor oil with juice, taking certain herbs, eating spicy food and having a glass of wine. Lovemaking seems to stimulate contractions with the release of osytocin and prostaglandins. A no-no however if your water has already broken. I will add my own warning that I don't recommend any of these without a doctor's okay. Castor Oil???? Yucky.

Imagine your child thirty years from now, in therapy, and reliving life in the womb. "And then there was this horrible taste and gooey feeling..and the smell. I had to get out of there. No wonder I'm mixed up....it's my mother's fault."

In the "Don't ask, don't tell"mode, she did go into labor one week before her due date and delivered a perfectly healthy 8 pounder. The doctors speculated Julia would have been 6 ozs heavier if she had stayed in one more week but certainly not a ten pounder....so much for the accuracy of Ultra Sounds.

At any rate, because Lauren delivered just before midnight, insurance considered that night her first official "covered" day, and therefore kicked her out after just another night. With two glammas and grandfathers at her home, I wasn't too worried, but also not looking forward to staying up nights rocking a baby so my baby could sleep. As it turned out, Julia. like her Glamma Gigi, loves her sleep and has turned out (so far) to be a mellow baby. She complains when hungry but doesn't wail like her sister did...but it's early, I'll reserve judgement for a few more weeks until her personality really emerges. And this is one week post delivery. Did you ever look this good?

So off we go on a new adventure...this time with a very active and wonderful "almost three-year-old" big sister to help show Julia the wayl

And two Grandfathers willing to step in at any moment.

GlamMa Logo

2010-01-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

GlamMa Fashionista

2009-08-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

I've discovered a whole new world of GlamMa.....celebrating with my friends. So I 've created a few products at Zazzle.com to celebrate being a GlamMa. Great to give to a new Grandmother to be....announcing the good news, or just to say. Hey.....I LOVE THIS!

www.zazzle.com/1jet11

Costa Rica and Fashion

2009-08-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

Just back from a fascinating trip to Costa Rica and getting down to business again. Check out my new logo hats and tee shirts.

I wish I had them when I was ziplining through the trees

And I really wish I had this beach bag to carry around my shells!

I'll be posting those pictures soon.

Until then.... GlamMa has to unpack.

Part of being a GlamMa is understanding the Web

2009-06-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

So I am trying to link my various posting sites so that comments can be made on one and seen on another. Will it work?

Celebrity GlamMa

2009-06-07T14:10:00.001-07:00

The first time I heard the term GlamMa was on a Today Show segment in which Goldie Hawn was talking about becoming a Grandmother for the first time . She said the new generation of Grandmothers are more GlamMa's, still intensely involved in their work, and community affairs while being passionate about their families. (This is my interpretation of what she said not her words)
Since then, I've found a whole new batch of Celebrity GlamMa including:
Julie Andrews
Joanne Colline

Blythe Danner: Gwenyth and husband Chris Martin have Apple Blythe Alison Martin 5/14/04 and Moses Bruce Anthony Martin 4/8/06

Catherine Deneuve
Sally Field
Peggy Fleming

Jane Fonda
Whoopie Goldberg

Dayle Haddon
Goldie Hawn: Daughter Kate Russel and ex husband Chris Robinson have Ryder Russell Robinson 1/7/04

Son Oliver and wife Erinn Bartlett have Wilder Brooks Hudson 8/23/07

Carolina Herrera
Naomi Judd

Donna Karan
Cheryl Ladd
Nancy Pelosi

Cathy Rigby
Cookie Roberts

Tina Turner
Diane Von Furstenberg

Let me know of others

Baby Gear for Glam-Ma

2007-05-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

With my curiousity awakened as to the "new" parenting mode I asked my daughter what I should be buying for the Glam-Ma come-to-visit nursery.

My daughter and her friends (all in various stages of motherhood and pre-motherhood) shared their likes and dislikes. She suggested that I start first of all with The Consumer Reports Best Baby Products book written by Sandra Gordon and the Editors of Consumer Reports.

This very comprehensive guide takes the mother (grandmother) through the entire litany of baby products from Autos (kid friendly vehicles) to Zebras & Other Stuffed Animals. Best yet, within the Introduction section, the authors have a two page list of "Baby Basics," a virtual shopping list for the home and nursery. This made it easy for me to figure out what the glam-ma would and wouldn't need.

I figured that when Meg (my grandaughter) came to visit, her mom would bring the clothing, stroller and car seat. What I would need at my home, however would be a crib, mattress, crib sheets, waterproof liners and mattress pads along with bathroom essentials for bathing. The rest of the gear was optional but I felt a high chair and pack and play would make the visit easier on my daughter and Meg.

If this is your first grandchild you will be saying...what is a pack 'n play... where is the playpen? In essence, the playpen has been redesigned for safety and style and morphed into a combo bassinette and play yard and like calling all copiers Xerox Machines, the play yard is often called by the Graco Company's name: Pack'n Play. In the interest of correct journalism both product names should have the registration symbol after them, but I don't know how to do that ...so just imagine it is there. Other companies making good play yards (recommended by Consumer Reports Best Baby Products) are Baby Trend, Evenflo, Fisher-Price and J. Mason.

On to the list of favs from my daughter's friends:

Graco Swing - You can move it around the house or apartment and is good for dinnertime when they are too young to be in the high chair

Graco Pack'n Play - This is the one I bought Packn_play_central_park

Bebe Pod Infant Seat The baby can sit up in this seat as soon as she can support her head.

Baby Bjorn Active Carrier Great for walks after the baby is 8 lbs.

Graco Travel Lite Bouncer : It even vibrates.

Graco Baby Einstein Entertainer or Evenflo Ultrasaucer
Peg Perego Prima Papa Highchair

Kick and Play Gimini: Mat for playing on the floor

Baby Monitor: Different ones work in different houses

Baby Stroller: So many models. Check out Consumer Reports and try them out.

Car Seat: Depends on your car but most like the Graco Snugrideand the Britax Marathon for when they get bigger. One tip. Don't buy more than one car seat, just buy extra car seat bases that the car seat can snap into.

2007-04-30T15:11:00.000-07:00

On the April 27th Today Show, I saw a segment titled "Alpha Moms" and had to laugh. The idea of multitasking mothers didn't seem all that strange to me. As usual, we boomers were the second generation to do it, but the first to say "There's nothing wrong with multitasking."

With two small children at home, I traveled the world (sometimes with and sometimes without them) researching and co-authering a series of books (published by Bantam Book) called "Born To Shop". The book's market was women who loved the finer things in life and the adventure that came with finding a unique item, wholesale factory outlet, or great museum in a part of the world never visited before. At that time we didn't think anything about merging our home and professional worlds. My mother had done it and was my role model. She held down a job at The New York Post (Dorothy Schiff days) and raised a group of children who loved and admired her. I could have chosen not to have a career and lots of my friends did just that. But what I realize, looking back,is that their "alpha mom" traits made them the home room mothers, charity leaders and school board members. Many of them are now in Congress. How much do we love Nancy Pelosi and all her Grandchildren? What I am saying is that the "Alpha-Mom" is nothing new.

But as each generation attempts to redefine itself, the not-so-new, takes on a new twist.

I did a Google search to learn that marketing to "Alpha Moms" has becoming a phenomenon. The Today Show segment featured an on-demand television web venture founded by Isabelle Zuckerman, a self described member of the alpha breed. Alpha Mom television is "an all-day, all-night, on-demand cable channel where “mothers seeking excellence,” according to press releases, would be able to find “the latest, best-of-breed information” on everything from preconception and child development to how women can “maintain their style, sophistication and sense-of-self upon entering mommyhood.” You can read a full story of how Isabelle and her empire got started in New York Magazine's feature by Randall Paterson: Empire of the Alpha Mom. According to a USA Today story by Bruce Horovitz, the originator of the term Alpha Mom was Constance Van Flandern a mother and graphic artist who was working with Zuckerman on her television concept.

As it turns out many major advertisers have risen to the challenge of this new, tech savvy group of women. According to Horovitz, "A good chunk of Cadillac's online ad campaign — at mycadillacstory.com— features Alpha Moms." Kimberly-Clark has launched the Huggies Baby Network, Proctor and Gamble has been testing its Swiffer WetJets with readers of The Nest. Unilever's Suave brand, in partnership with Sprint, has created an "In the Motherhood " website that airs mom-scripted web videos. You'll have to be an alpha mom to keep up with all the competition!

I call it reinventing the wheel. What do you think?

Glam-Ma

2007-04-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

When my daughter first told me she and her hubby were expecting .... I shrieked with joy and then cringed. I was going to be a Grandmother???? How was that possible?

My wonderful grandmother baked apple pies and wore flowered housecoats and roll down hose. Her corset left crinkles in her otherwise baby soft skin and she waxed the whiskers from her chin with a concotion that smelled like tar and vasoline. Grandma smoked unfiltered and drank in private. Her life was totally devoted to me, and I wouldn't be the woman I am today without her unfailing love and support.

I wear designer jeans, burn most everything I cook, am a health junkie, and have traveled the world in the course of my career. My children were raised with the assumption that they would come along for the ride. I am a boomer.

Although I had always fanticized about being a Grandmother, this seemed too soon. I had trips planned, workouts to do, projects to finish. I didn't own a house dress or corset and would need to take cooking classes to learn the art of baking apple pies.

And then my daughter presented me with a 4D image of my granddaughter to be. Meg Evans South, in utero, is a beauty. Her lips are full and luscious, her nose squished and adorable and she is smiling. Be still my heart.

This is a journey many of us in the boomer generation are making. As we redefined women in the workplace and marriage equality, so we will redefine being grandparents. Goldie Hawn said it first. We are Glammas.

See my travels and Glam Journal at www.glamgal.typepad.com or read about my background at www. judithevansthomas.com

And email me to share your stories.

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